Kill Them All (No Longer) the Book

 

$75.00

Last spring (not too unlike this spring) my e-venture into the world of Pest Control took a twist. Angry and ready to put the role of Pest Control Operator behind me, I pitched an idea for a story about pest control in Portland to the Willamette Week. Long story short, it made the front page under the title - Kill Them All: An Exterminator's Experience in the Intersection of Wilderness and Civilization. In the midsts of writing the article I was hired by Pioneer Pest Management, which turned out to be the best of the companies I've worked for. 

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Trouble was, once they discovered the article...many of my coworkers were very unhappy. One guy, who I now have a lot of respect for, told me he would have fired me if he was management. It was not a good way to start my fourth role in pest control. After the dust settled, I decided to do my best to work hard, keep my mouth shut, and get along best I could. The company was going from what I call "the sweet spot" to becoming a sexually mature, full blown corporation. I might have survived at Pioneer for another year or two if I wasn't working 55+ hours a week, or ducking in and out of crawlspaces and attics - home to home - like a crazy person running from some invisible monster he couldn't see. Towards the end, which was May 19th, I was smoking again, living on fast food, and the contant time crunch of my daily servive route was seriously making me wonder what life would be like as a rat. I mean, really folks, rats aren't so bad. I never met a rat who wanted to hook my mind and body to the labor of bringing a corporation to life for the benefit of some guy I didn't really know. I did figure out that he liked the interjection "My man!" which he used at the end of sentences like, "How's it going? My man!" I know he was trying to stimulate moral or someting, but the reference to being "his man" cut a little too close to the bone.

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I am a Pest Control Operator no longer. The time has come to Kill Them All No Longer! 

"Be free my rat friend!" I cried into the night as I opened Peanuts cage. "We will meet again someday in the wild...where we belong!"